Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose

I am so disgustingly in love with you, i cant bear to see you go.

It all can continue to spin around. The same way it was before, the same way it continues to be, how I wish i could not fit hate into my heart.

You continue to try and push yourself back into my life, because you know part of me will accept you with open arms.
I just cannot, and you know this.

I may have hurt you but you hurt me more than anyone has ever hurt me, in such an unforgivable manner...I understand WHY you did what you did, but how? Why did you have to go about it that way?
I have spent a year wracking my brain for reasons, for excuses, you say "STOP TRYING TO FIGURE ME OUT" but I can't be your friend unless we understand each other.

What you don't understand is that my life has sucked, I have been surrounded by untrustworthy people my whole life and you are no exception. You proved to me that love for another in my situation is totally pointless.
You cheated, lied, hid things, and ran away when stuff got hard. How can i be your friend?
How can I have love for you, again?
Yes, your last girlfriend may have done it so easily, but she wanted you back. I never want you back. Ever.
You assume that my confusion was due to my lust and love for you and that I could not live without you, because of course, no one can, right?

I can't just FORGET everything, Jeremy.
I can't forget what you did...I can't just start over like Karen did. She spent years of her life on your teases and lead ons, and to an extent she is still sucked in. She will eternally be nice to you because she cannot live without you.
But I can.
I don't need you to function.
I hate how you assume I need you to function.

You won't call me, so I can't explain anything to you.
Part of the reason I'm so mean to you is because you won't speak to me for weeks or months unless I'm mean. You don't respond to texts unless I am a horrible bitch to you.

You take advantage of my soft spot for you.


We were going to get 'married' on october 10th, 2010. When that day comes I'm not sure what I'll do, but I know we won't be getting married.

But what you don't get is that I am defensive because you hurt me...over and over and over again. You used me.
YEA, you moved across the country for me.
You didn't have to.
But that was it...you used that against me when I got upset that I ALWAYS had to pay, that you never took me on a date...i always took you somewhere and you never said thanks. When i got upset you would throw the I MOVED FROM MY FAMILY FOR YOU. Do you know how much that hurt me? I knew you came here, for me, and i loved you so much...which is why i wanted to protect you.
Your friends told me to keep you safe on your birthday, make sure you dont do drugs. When you told me your dad sent you money for the first time, i felt like it was my duty to help keep you clean and off all that stuff and when i saw you falling back into it i didnt know what to do.
I never knew what to do.

I was barely 17 and living with people who hated me, who I hated, people who hated you and didnt even know you, and everything was wrong.
You had no idea how bad everything was, and you abandoned me when i needed you most.
You could have left and then still provided me with some kind of support.
You could have called me and let me know shit was gonna be OK.
You could have been my friend, all those times I called you, all those times I wanted to be friends.

But no.
You have to wait till I am almost back to Florida, when I have tried to heal all wounds, when I was trying to move on.
You think that I can just go running back to you, even as a friend?
That I can forget how you abandoned me and cheated on me and i know you did because there were pictures...How can i forget being told by a bunch of druggies that you did that?
How can i forget the things you said to me after you left?

You said it was because you were hurting...but could you imagine how i felt?
And every time i think about it i remember calling you on the day of mothers funeral. I just wanted you to talk to me and tell me you were here for me.

But you were not there for me.
You were high as always and couldn't wait to get off the phone.
You only loved me after my mother died.
And that's how I have always felt.

Your kind words can't make me feel love for you anymore because I remember all the hurtful things you did, all the times you told me to go away and that you hated me...when I was begging you for help.

I am only sorry for hurting you, but not for my actions after you left.
I hate how you assume I will need you forever.
I am my own person, and you mistake everything.


I cannot be friends with you unless I know that you genuinely UNDERSTAND WHAT you did.
I cannot hurt myself again in your name.

I wrapped up our whole relatioship in a box, and since you OBVIOUSLY are the stronger person, I have it to give to you, for five seconds, and that will be the last i ever see you, ever.
Unless you show me otherwise, that I can trust you.

I am not sorry, and this is the last I wish to say to you.
If you want to be friends, you need to show me that you're trustworthy.
I only go nuts because I feel as if youre playing games with me, and im tired of games.
Im tired of everything.
I dont have to be nuts, but you dont have to keep trying to get under my skin.

Stop throwing me stupid compliments, I am not a toy, and I am not a kid, I am a person and I will always be Elly...but you're right, I have tough skin.
If you care about a friendship, maybe you should work harder at making that work instead of forcing me to forget all the bullshit you did.

Goodbye, and this is all I have to say.

I think that everyone just has a huge beef with fox because it is the only news station that provides any insight to the other sides of the spectrum. All of the other news stations are in the can for Obama, and if you say anything against Obama you are hammered and labeled as a racist or an idiot. Yea, so Fox has conservative views. But there are just as many Libertarians and democrats on that newstation as there are extreme right-wingers, and they make it a point to bring in other people who do not share their views, and hold debates. Obama has a problem with this because he believes that he should not be disagreed with, and it's a shame that everyone shares that view because the second you give up your right to disagree, you give up your freedom forever. I think it's good to have a station such as Fox, because we need a balance in this totally biased world of 'journalism'. Since all the other news stations slobber at Obama's feet, what's so wrong with having a news station that disagrees with him? And you know, you can't totally say that Fox isn't news. I watch every news station equally, and I remember when the Tea parties were occuring, NO NEWS STATION except Fox covered it. And that is because most news stations tried to pass it off as an act of racism-which it is NOT. People are tired of being overtaxed, and are tired of letting their government take control of them completely. I hear so much regurgitation of what Obama says, it makes me sick. People don't bother to look into his policies, all they look at is superficial crap that he rehearses over and over again, and for goodness sake, HE IS OUR PRESIDENT, and he is STILL campaigning. What good changes has he made? All he is doing is convincing a bunch of people who don't know any better that he will bring change...what CHANGE? Socialized medicine, right? So we can tax the crap out of people who are already poor and give them sub-par medical insurance? Have the government run business, so a man cant start a small business and therefore not be able to emply folks? Small businesses employ most of America, and when you start making it more difficult for a man or a woman to start up their own independent business, you are taking jobs from Americans and leaving it impossible for anyone to get out of this recession. This man has NO CLUE what he's doing, we have a congress who has no clue what they're doing, or better yet, they know exactly what they are doing and they are forcing it upon the rest of the country. There is no democracy anymore. You aren't allowed to disagree with Obama, because when you do you are called a racist, you are called a redneck, you are poked at and made fun of and placed for the whole world to criticize. Fox news criticizes the president, just like the other news stations criticzed Bush. You say that fox news feeds america lies, when really it is the only news station that has presented BOTH SIDES of every argument. So, they may not focus on the small issues as much as they focus on the economy. Fox generally focuses on the business and economical side of politics, which at this time are what is truly important. Yes, i know, it is wrong that gay marriage is illegal, i think it's proposterous that it still is illegal, and yes, we should focus some on the environment. But we also need to fix the economy, and the peole we have in office will just keep making it worse because they believe in spending more than we have. What are we teaching our children? That money falls from the sky? Screw up ,and the government will save you? We should be teaching responsibility, and how can we when the government is being irresponsible? The only news station I see reporting that is fox news. The only news station that reports EVERYTHING, is fox news. Yea, there are biased reporters. Of course, thats how it is with EVERY station. But the only reason that Fox news is criticized is because they don't agree with the 'messiah'. Some do agree, of course. But i think it's silly that someone posts a thread, and no one ever disagrees. No one ever disagrees with anything, anymore. That's the damn problem. You aren't allowed to disagree. It's a damn shame, we should be critical of who is running our lives. It's a shame that people who disagree with the majority are shunned and made fun of. Isn't that what happened with radical groups in the 1960s and 1970s? Everyone said that what they were doing was stupid. They shunned them. Isn't that what happens with gays and lesbians that you support (and i support)? They disagree with the majority, so they are shunned. SO why are you shunning a station that disagrees withthe majority? All they are doing is presenting a different view. If you have a problem, don't watch it, and stop complaining because someone doesn't share your views. It's America, we aren't all supposed to agree, but we are supposed to be tolerant. I am tolerant of other news stations and people who disagree with me. Fox is tolerant, too. It's a shame that other people who preach tolerance, however, are so goddamned intolerant.

Hello mother, I have learned this from you:
Life is like a rough diamond,
It isn’t crystal clear, it became dull;
It is rigid from experiences and challenges,
It withered after millions of years.
When pieces fall off the chances of dying are greater,
It won’t be himself,
Stranger to its past,
Lonely in this part of his life,
He needs help.
He is dumber from its stupidity and low self esteem
He can use a friend.
It is hideous on the outside but
It is one person on the inside.

-Richard Craig Bludworth (7th grade, 12 years old)
He amazed me.

I am in tears.

Aquarius Outlook for 2009Aquarius
1/20 – 2/18
Year 2009 Overview
Aquarius is all about a new vision in 2009, and working to move our planet toward the highest and healthiest quality of life. You are highly energized with this wonderful alignment, and your inspiration is rekindled to move energy in grandiose ways. You are able to utilize these high frequencies in order to create new structure and value in people's lives.

This is no time to sit back and let anything slip through your fingers. Express yourself and move forward with your visionary ideas. As you forge ahead, you find a reworking of meaning on a deep level, and discover possibilities as you connect with your highest star.

Your ideas have always been ahead of the times, and now you are a shining example of what the Earth force can assimilate into everyday living. You realize that the world was created with structure, and outdated modes of living that no longer serve mankind are being recognized around the world. It's time to let go of anything that holds you back. New thinking is on the horizon, and people are ready to align with the quickly changing energies of the planets. Your leadership skills will help humanity make these shifts, and you will feel supported by those who understand the need to create peace and harmony.

Be inventive in channeling your dreams into reality. As you find a place to manifest this energy, it will become easy for you to usher in a better world. The time to realize your highest ideals is here!