Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose

you don't want to be my friend, but you can go ahead and add me if you want.

I am going to become a rather big bitch. Only because I am so tired of being nice to everyone and then getting their stupid problems in my life in which i do not care to hear about. I am not going to lie and say I dont have time for them because I am sure I do, but God, people are annoying. I am so sick of people who do not think about anything, who research nothing, who don't care about politics because it "doesn't matter" "it's boring" and "it will all go back to normal if and when another president takes over". NOT SO, ACTUALLY. Cause we will be paying back that couple 'a trillion dollars till I have great grand-children. So much for being successful, yes? But that is not even the point. My point is, I am tired of those who don't think and take everything at face value, I am tired of people who drink their days away instead of trying to make some sort of difference for themselves or others or the greater good, I cannot stand people who mope around about their lives constantly without taking a big look at the world around them and realizing that they are not the only ones. I am sick of people who use too many goddamn semicolons; , people who use too many hyphens -, and talk about DRAMA AND HATERS all the time. I sit and think where all of us would be without a few people who got together and thought about common sense and the good that would ensue for future generations, hundreds of years to come. I wish that people took a look around them and realized that their life is not in an ipod, that their cellphone will deteriorate, their computers will die and all that goddamned rap music will eventually fade out of style. What matters is not what we have or don't have but what we do with the tools we are given, but it hurts to see that so many don't wish to do anything with their tools, so they sit, moaning, with their hands open waiting for a free lunch and guidance. We were once brought together by one great dream of independence, innovation, and freedom of choice, but what are we now? a bunch of bumbling idiots that let a man and 535 people decide our futures? What are we now?
Where will we be?

Why won't anyone open their eyes and begin to care?
When?

Perhaps when it is too late to care anymore.

32 days until i get to florida for the first time in 30 months, almost three years.
How...strange.

This will be very odd for me, yet wonderful.

It all can continue to spin around. The same way it was before, the same way it continues to be, how I wish i could not fit hate into my heart.

You continue to try and push yourself back into my life, because you know part of me will accept you with open arms.
I just cannot, and you know this.

I may have hurt you but you hurt me more than anyone has ever hurt me, in such an unforgivable manner...I understand WHY you did what you did, but how? Why did you have to go about it that way?
I have spent a year wracking my brain for reasons, for excuses, you say "STOP TRYING TO FIGURE ME OUT" but I can't be your friend unless we understand each other.

What you don't understand is that my life has sucked, I have been surrounded by untrustworthy people my whole life and you are no exception. You proved to me that love for another in my situation is totally pointless.
You cheated, lied, hid things, and ran away when stuff got hard. How can i be your friend?
How can I have love for you, again?
Yes, your last girlfriend may have done it so easily, but she wanted you back. I never want you back. Ever.
You assume that my confusion was due to my lust and love for you and that I could not live without you, because of course, no one can, right?

I can't just FORGET everything, Jeremy.
I can't forget what you did...I can't just start over like Karen did. She spent years of her life on your teases and lead ons, and to an extent she is still sucked in. She will eternally be nice to you because she cannot live without you.
But I can.
I don't need you to function.
I hate how you assume I need you to function.

You won't call me, so I can't explain anything to you.
Part of the reason I'm so mean to you is because you won't speak to me for weeks or months unless I'm mean. You don't respond to texts unless I am a horrible bitch to you.

You take advantage of my soft spot for you.


We were going to get 'married' on october 10th, 2010. When that day comes I'm not sure what I'll do, but I know we won't be getting married.

But what you don't get is that I am defensive because you hurt me...over and over and over again. You used me.
YEA, you moved across the country for me.
You didn't have to.
But that was it...you used that against me when I got upset that I ALWAYS had to pay, that you never took me on a date...i always took you somewhere and you never said thanks. When i got upset you would throw the I MOVED FROM MY FAMILY FOR YOU. Do you know how much that hurt me? I knew you came here, for me, and i loved you so much...which is why i wanted to protect you.
Your friends told me to keep you safe on your birthday, make sure you dont do drugs. When you told me your dad sent you money for the first time, i felt like it was my duty to help keep you clean and off all that stuff and when i saw you falling back into it i didnt know what to do.
I never knew what to do.

I was barely 17 and living with people who hated me, who I hated, people who hated you and didnt even know you, and everything was wrong.
You had no idea how bad everything was, and you abandoned me when i needed you most.
You could have left and then still provided me with some kind of support.
You could have called me and let me know shit was gonna be OK.
You could have been my friend, all those times I called you, all those times I wanted to be friends.

But no.
You have to wait till I am almost back to Florida, when I have tried to heal all wounds, when I was trying to move on.
You think that I can just go running back to you, even as a friend?
That I can forget how you abandoned me and cheated on me and i know you did because there were pictures...How can i forget being told by a bunch of druggies that you did that?
How can i forget the things you said to me after you left?

You said it was because you were hurting...but could you imagine how i felt?
And every time i think about it i remember calling you on the day of mothers funeral. I just wanted you to talk to me and tell me you were here for me.

But you were not there for me.
You were high as always and couldn't wait to get off the phone.
You only loved me after my mother died.
And that's how I have always felt.

Your kind words can't make me feel love for you anymore because I remember all the hurtful things you did, all the times you told me to go away and that you hated me...when I was begging you for help.

I am only sorry for hurting you, but not for my actions after you left.
I hate how you assume I will need you forever.
I am my own person, and you mistake everything.


I cannot be friends with you unless I know that you genuinely UNDERSTAND WHAT you did.
I cannot hurt myself again in your name.

I wrapped up our whole relatioship in a box, and since you OBVIOUSLY are the stronger person, I have it to give to you, for five seconds, and that will be the last i ever see you, ever.
Unless you show me otherwise, that I can trust you.

I am not sorry, and this is the last I wish to say to you.
If you want to be friends, you need to show me that you're trustworthy.
I only go nuts because I feel as if youre playing games with me, and im tired of games.
Im tired of everything.
I dont have to be nuts, but you dont have to keep trying to get under my skin.

Stop throwing me stupid compliments, I am not a toy, and I am not a kid, I am a person and I will always be Elly...but you're right, I have tough skin.
If you care about a friendship, maybe you should work harder at making that work instead of forcing me to forget all the bullshit you did.

Goodbye, and this is all I have to say.

I am becoming less and less tolerant of stupid people.

I think that everyone just has a huge beef with fox because it is the only news station that provides any insight to the other sides of the spectrum. All of the other news stations are in the can for Obama, and if you say anything against Obama you are hammered and labeled as a racist or an idiot. Yea, so Fox has conservative views. But there are just as many Libertarians and democrats on that newstation as there are extreme right-wingers, and they make it a point to bring in other people who do not share their views, and hold debates. Obama has a problem with this because he believes that he should not be disagreed with, and it's a shame that everyone shares that view because the second you give up your right to disagree, you give up your freedom forever. I think it's good to have a station such as Fox, because we need a balance in this totally biased world of 'journalism'. Since all the other news stations slobber at Obama's feet, what's so wrong with having a news station that disagrees with him? And you know, you can't totally say that Fox isn't news. I watch every news station equally, and I remember when the Tea parties were occuring, NO NEWS STATION except Fox covered it. And that is because most news stations tried to pass it off as an act of racism-which it is NOT. People are tired of being overtaxed, and are tired of letting their government take control of them completely. I hear so much regurgitation of what Obama says, it makes me sick. People don't bother to look into his policies, all they look at is superficial crap that he rehearses over and over again, and for goodness sake, HE IS OUR PRESIDENT, and he is STILL campaigning. What good changes has he made? All he is doing is convincing a bunch of people who don't know any better that he will bring change...what CHANGE? Socialized medicine, right? So we can tax the crap out of people who are already poor and give them sub-par medical insurance? Have the government run business, so a man cant start a small business and therefore not be able to emply folks? Small businesses employ most of America, and when you start making it more difficult for a man or a woman to start up their own independent business, you are taking jobs from Americans and leaving it impossible for anyone to get out of this recession. This man has NO CLUE what he's doing, we have a congress who has no clue what they're doing, or better yet, they know exactly what they are doing and they are forcing it upon the rest of the country. There is no democracy anymore. You aren't allowed to disagree with Obama, because when you do you are called a racist, you are called a redneck, you are poked at and made fun of and placed for the whole world to criticize. Fox news criticizes the president, just like the other news stations criticzed Bush. You say that fox news feeds america lies, when really it is the only news station that has presented BOTH SIDES of every argument. So, they may not focus on the small issues as much as they focus on the economy. Fox generally focuses on the business and economical side of politics, which at this time are what is truly important. Yes, i know, it is wrong that gay marriage is illegal, i think it's proposterous that it still is illegal, and yes, we should focus some on the environment. But we also need to fix the economy, and the peole we have in office will just keep making it worse because they believe in spending more than we have. What are we teaching our children? That money falls from the sky? Screw up ,and the government will save you? We should be teaching responsibility, and how can we when the government is being irresponsible? The only news station I see reporting that is fox news. The only news station that reports EVERYTHING, is fox news. Yea, there are biased reporters. Of course, thats how it is with EVERY station. But the only reason that Fox news is criticized is because they don't agree with the 'messiah'. Some do agree, of course. But i think it's silly that someone posts a thread, and no one ever disagrees. No one ever disagrees with anything, anymore. That's the damn problem. You aren't allowed to disagree. It's a damn shame, we should be critical of who is running our lives. It's a shame that people who disagree with the majority are shunned and made fun of. Isn't that what happened with radical groups in the 1960s and 1970s? Everyone said that what they were doing was stupid. They shunned them. Isn't that what happens with gays and lesbians that you support (and i support)? They disagree with the majority, so they are shunned. SO why are you shunning a station that disagrees withthe majority? All they are doing is presenting a different view. If you have a problem, don't watch it, and stop complaining because someone doesn't share your views. It's America, we aren't all supposed to agree, but we are supposed to be tolerant. I am tolerant of other news stations and people who disagree with me. Fox is tolerant, too. It's a shame that other people who preach tolerance, however, are so goddamned intolerant.

The days go by very slowly, as of late.
I have done more than I think I have, however.

This week I went to Los Angeles, and went to the most expensive mall that i have ever been to. Most stores were designer labels, such as Gucci and Armani. Not my cup of tea.

Yesterday I went to the Summer Slaughter 2009.
Blackguard,
Decrepit Birth,
After The Burial,
Beneath the Massacre,
Origin,
Born of Osiris,
Dying Fetus,
Winds of Plague,
Darkest Hour,
Esniferum,
Suffocation,
and
Necrophagist.

All for $25.

Almost all of them were amazing, and I had a grand time with Spencer accompanying me. I ended up getting my face rammed into a crowd-surfer's crotch, which may or may not have been the highlight of my night.
Or, it could be the in-n-out cheeseburger and chinese food after the show.


Now I can't move my head, but, hey, it's all good.

Aunt Karen will be gone until Wedesday. Which means the next few days will be relaxing and happy.

I am happy as of now.
I figured that I would feel lonely, but I don't, I am quite content.
Things could be better, so I won't say they couldn't, but they are alright.
46 days until I arrive in Florida.


It is almost unreal.
I will probably kiss the ground.

I think people who make stupid videos of themselves doing dumb crap should be smacked around.

June 18, 2009.

I have graduated from High School, less than 50 days until I head out to Florida.

Since my last update:
the election in Iran has taken over news television and sites, which is okay. this is interesting. Our president has referred to Mousavi (the loser of the election who probably should have won) as the SUPREME RULER. Now i wouldn't have a problem had he referred to him as rightful president or whatever, however, when any human being is referred to as SUPREME RULER i am irked a little bit. Ok, a lot. I do not feel comfortable when our president refers to a person as supreme ruler because i feel that that shows his view of the person, and that they are above us/ them/ him/ their people.
I dont think that is okay, and should be watched a lot more closely than it was.

I think that the Iranians are right in their protesting, though, they deserve free elections and it is not fair that this man Ahmadinejad has won, this man who has destroyed their country altogether.
I wish people would pay more attention to what is happening in the world.

I also have a feeling many homosexual people will be disappointed due to recent political decisions made in Washington that have been masked by trivial extensions. But we will see.

Leaving politics, however.


I feel like everyone around me is diving deeper and deeper into "yeas" "lols" and "oks"
Does anyone have an interesting response to anything ANYMORE?!?!
I'M SO TIRED OF SOMEONE SAYING LOL WHEN I ASK THEIR OPINION OF SOMETHING.
YOUR OPINION CAN'T ALWAYS BE LOL, CAN IT?!

---
Job hunting= fail.
No ride, no one is hiring, I'm leaving too soon for it to matter.
But I need a job.
---

Elias is in Mexico.
I miss him, and I want him to come back RIGHT NOW. Nothing will happen, but I don't like him being gone, I miss him.
---

I am really hoping that Spencer goes to Embry Riddle in Daytona Beach.
Then my life will be complete :)


Well, off for now.
I may update when Hell freezes over.

With love,
Elizabeth

Hello again livejournal.
It's been nearly a month since I have updated, this is unnatural. I have been fading away mainly because i speak to only two people on this, really.
I can remember when Livejournal was what all my friends had, and we updated with every little bit of our life constantly. I sort of miss those days.

I will be graduating on the 15th of June from serra high school, far far away from where I began.

These are the days when I miss everything.
And everyone.

Sometimes I even miss Jeremy.
Well no, I miss him a lot most of the time. I am not sure what it is that I miss, the closeness, or him as a person. I'm almost certain that I dont miss HIM.

I miss rebekah a lot, I will see her soon in a different environment, far different from the world that we began...
oh sometimes, no all the time, i miss that world that we began.
I miss everything about her.

Life will be good.
Maybe I will pursue a ph.D at an ivy league school one day, at princeton or yale or harvad, just for fun.
I wonder if I could.

Ahoy!

fight fight fight.
it's all they ever do, day in and day out, bicker bicker bicker,
snarl.
you're wrong, i'm right, your culture is digusting, why didnt you water my plants?
cant you see that i am incapacitated?
GO TO YOUR ROOM.
BECAUSE I SAID SO.

I am the most important person in this house, she says.
I deserve the most attention.

When I am sick, you tend to my needs. MY NEEDS. dont pay attention to them, they are just girls. DONT HUG THEM. pay attention to me, ray!
cry cry cry, whine whine whine, get off the damn computer and listen to me whine!
she says.

stop smiling, you're smiling for stupid reasons. DONT EAT THAT, YOU CANT HAVE THAT IN MY HOUSE.
there are boundaries between adults and children. you cant be friends, dont talk to them in that tone of voice. Dont laugh and make jokes, she says. She says the girls are just out to pull apart the family.

it doesnt matter that theyre sad because she pretend to be their mother,
it doesnt matter that she calls their mother an old gross drug addict.

I am the most important person, she says.
Dont mention that woman's name! she is dead, she is gone, now move on.
Pretend their parents never existed.

We are your family now, she says.
We are all that matters.

My family is more important, she says, we are civil and we eat with forks.
We breathe clean air, now let us blow smoke in your face!

DONT CORRECT ME, she says, i am the most important person.
Men don't like women who are different. Your only purpose in life is to be a good wife, she says, but then she says that she will stand against man.

You stupid rednecks, she says, you have always been worthless.

Poke poke poke, until the kids explode
fight fight fight, until they wish they were where their parents are.

You keep me in reality.
There are days that I forget that life isn't the same for us, anymore.
I have become so accustomed to living in an upper-middle class lifestyle of suburban crap that I forget what real hurt is, and what real stress is.

When I stop looking at my books and my lack of fun I realize that my life is alright, when I stop complaining I realize that I have a lot to be thankful for, and that I ought to be happier.

When you were here, I took you for granted, I suppose because I knew you would just be leaving in a week and it would hurt too bad to miss you when you left...but now I realize that I will have you again soon. SOON. No, things won't be the same. Not at ALL.
We have grown up, switched places so many times, told each other not enough and too much, fought and not spoken, and missed each other more than i have EVER missed someone before.

I miss my mother, but not in the way that I miss you.
I know that she will always be a part of me, but I accept that she is gone-you are not.
I still have you.

God, I am so happy that I still have you.

I know that right now you are living in hell pretty much, and I had forgotten how that felt.
I forgot how to sympathize because I forgot what it was like. I'm so sorry that i did.
I'm sorry that I got so angry when you were busy. I know that you are legitimately busy, and I am not.

Just know that I love you so much.

I'm sorry that I left you behind.



[I won't leave you again.]
















do you remember how we actually made a date to take these pictures? HAHA








It's really weird to think of how long we have been friends.
It seems like yesterday.

I get all teary-eyed when I think of how long it has been since I have seen you, but I know that the second I see you again it will be as if I have seen you every single day.


I MISS YOU SO MUCH, REBEKAH.

4 months.

Today was SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY.
I don't quite know why, but the entire day was wonderful.


Ahhh <3

Oh my god, woman.

Just shut the fuck up already.



You weren't going to go to the protest, anyways. You have never reveolted. You are all talk.
You knew you weren't going to go, and Ginny and I going to Donna was the perfect excuse for you to NOT go.
You think you're so important. You and your filthy son.

But the second you feel important, is the second you turn to dust.

i am definately in love with you, dear sir. ♥

i a m f r e e a g a i n

TO you, I am an anti-christ, i think.

You make mention of things you've never thought of saying aloud, around me.

You even made a sex joke ;P
God doesn't like sex jokes, haha.

I am sorry that I have corrupted you, love, your heartstrings will be in tune again I suppose.


But I wonder, was it fun straying away for just a little, not being proper?


I wonder...are you afraid?


"He was so innocent and proper until you came into his life!"


really? ;)

"A heavy progressive tax upon a very large fortune is in no way such a tax upon thrift or industry as a like would be on a small fortune. No advantage comes either to the country as a whole or to the individuals inheriting the money by permitting the transmission in their entirety of the enormous fortunes which would be affected by such a tax; and as an incident to its function of revenue raising, such a tax would help to preserve a measurable equality of opportunity for the people of the generations growing to manhood. We have not the slightest sympathy with that socialistic idea which would try to put laziness, thriftlessness and inefficiency on a par with industry, thrift and efficiency; which would strive to break up not merely private property, but what is far more important, the home, the chief prop upon which our whole civilization stands. Such a theory, if ever adopted, would mean the ruin of the entire country--a ruin which would bear heaviest upon the weakest, upon those least able to shift for themselves. But proposals for legislation such as this herein advocated are directly opposed to this class of socialistic theories. Our aim is to recognize what Lincoln pointed out: The fact that there are some respects in which men are obviously not equal; but also to insist that there should be an equality of self-respect and of mutual respect, an equality of rights before the law, and at least an approximate equality in the conditions under which each man obtains the chance to show the stuff that is in him when compared to his fellows. "

ok, maybe I am.

Hello mother, I have learned this from you:
Life is like a rough diamond,
It isn’t crystal clear, it became dull;
It is rigid from experiences and challenges,
It withered after millions of years.
When pieces fall off the chances of dying are greater,
It won’t be himself,
Stranger to its past,
Lonely in this part of his life,
He needs help.
He is dumber from its stupidity and low self esteem
He can use a friend.
It is hideous on the outside but
It is one person on the inside.

-Richard Craig Bludworth (7th grade, 12 years old)
He amazed me.

I am in tears.

Aquarius Outlook for 2009Aquarius
1/20 – 2/18
Year 2009 Overview
Aquarius is all about a new vision in 2009, and working to move our planet toward the highest and healthiest quality of life. You are highly energized with this wonderful alignment, and your inspiration is rekindled to move energy in grandiose ways. You are able to utilize these high frequencies in order to create new structure and value in people's lives.

This is no time to sit back and let anything slip through your fingers. Express yourself and move forward with your visionary ideas. As you forge ahead, you find a reworking of meaning on a deep level, and discover possibilities as you connect with your highest star.

Your ideas have always been ahead of the times, and now you are a shining example of what the Earth force can assimilate into everyday living. You realize that the world was created with structure, and outdated modes of living that no longer serve mankind are being recognized around the world. It's time to let go of anything that holds you back. New thinking is on the horizon, and people are ready to align with the quickly changing energies of the planets. Your leadership skills will help humanity make these shifts, and you will feel supported by those who understand the need to create peace and harmony.

Be inventive in channeling your dreams into reality. As you find a place to manifest this energy, it will become easy for you to usher in a better world. The time to realize your highest ideals is here!

*blush*

you inspire me.

I haven't written a poem about anyone in awhile.
Thank you Elias <3

I am so so tired.

Who cares about fat and calorie intake, really?

It amazes me how much people freak out about overdoing their calories, eating an extra scoop of ice cream, or even having another slice of pizza.


LIFE IS TOO SHORT FOR ONLY ONE SLICE OF PIZZA, FELLOWS.

To whom it may concern:

Screw you, really.

I wanted to talk to you, and not through texts. I wanted to explain to you why I was pissed at you.

But of course not, because you can't face your problems.
You've never been able to face your problems.

It's why you do drugs, why you do so many drugs.


When I say don't talk to me I mean it, you want me to want you and I can't when I know that you'll just use me.
I will talk to you when you grow up.

I love you, but I can't keep being so upset over little things you do.

I'm not sorry.

I would like to push everyone very far away.

I would like to be solitary.

When there is no one to hear your problems, you have no problems.

I'm so tired of everything.
I want to sleep for a very long time. I'm so tired of things constantly changing. I'm so tired of the same thing, every day. I'm so tired of unripe mangoes.
I'm so tired of not being good enough.

But I think that I am good enough.

I wish my mango would riped, right now.

I'm so tired of not enough craisins, and the thin mints being gone.
I'm so tired of being alone, with my craisins and thin mints.
I'm very tired of my vagina, I wish I could trade it in.
I'm so tired of not being able to lay on the tables through class.

I wish that they would let me smear shaving cream on the chairs, and come to school naked.
I am so tired of not being naked.
I wish that I could live in the nude.

I'm so tired of the same opinions and the same ideas, I am very tired of everyone's learned helplessness and ineffectuality.

I'm tired of not being able to lose weight.

I'm tired of not painting.
I'm tired of hair.

I'm tired of not enough chapstick, and high chapstick prices.

I'm tired of mangoes not being in season, and the dried ones at costco being too expensive.
I get confused at daylight savings time.
You know what I'm gonna do? I'm going to kick ass in college and see if I can get into an even better one, just because. Maybe an Ivy league school. I think it would be pretty cool.

You know, I knew my mom spent a lot of her life in Deland.
But I did not know that was where she was born.

I'm going to college in Deland :)
It made me happy when I found out that little fact.

[13:56] xLady Overkillx: you know whats weird
[13:56] xLady Overkillx: i hate shoes
[13:56] xLady Overkillx: but i have so many pairs
[13:56] f3arl3ss23: HYPOCRITE!
[13:56] xLady Overkillx: I KNOW!!!!
[13:56] xLady Overkillx: IM AWFUL
[13:56] f3arl3ss23: I agree
[13:56] xLady Overkillx: i might as well be a CHRISTIAN!
[13:56] f3arl3ss23: Terrible
[13:56] f3arl3ss23: EWWWW

[13:56] f3arl3ss23: NOO
[13:56] f3arl3ss23: not that bad


haha.
Paco always cheers me up.

I have definately fallen in love with a boy and I will probabaly never tell him.
who has a girlfriend.

Wow, this man is just as big an idiot as our last president.

i've been watching and following this stimulus bullshit bill, and it's no better than the one Bush passed. Both of them were fucking idiots.
This thing was just an excuse to clean out the Senate's closet of pidgeon-holed bills:


$335 million for education related to sexually transmitted diseases “We have yet to hear any reasonable rationale for how this creates any jobs in the private sector,” Paige told “GMA.”
$650 million for coupons to help people make the switch to digital TV
$50 million for the National Endowment for the Arts
$150 million for the Smithsonian Institution
$50 million for the National Cemetery Administration’s monument and memorial repairs
$800 million for Amtrak, the country’s railroad system
$2 billion for child-care subsidies
$400 million for global warming research
$100 million for reducing the danger of lead paint in homes
$2.4 billion for carbon-capture demonstration projects
$50 million for NASA facilities that may have been harmed by natural disaster
$200 million for the U.S. Geological Survey to monitor earthquakes and volcanoes

Senate Version Would Boost Spending Even More

$650 million for the U.S. Forest Service to remove fish passage barriers, forest improvement and watershed enhancement projects
$1.5 million for a National Institute of Health/Institute of Medicine report to Congress
$50.6 million for services for older blind individuals
$400 million for the Social Security Administration’s new National Computer Center
$325 million for Academic Achievement Awards

In the Senate version, there are additional servings of what conservatives term pork that won’t generate new jobs, including:

$70 million for programs to help people quit smoking
$75 million for a super-computer for the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration


...what?
What the fuck, to some of these. GRANTED, SOME of them are good, and necessary...but a majority are not something that will boost jobs, not something that will boost the economy at the moment. Maybe they are good and will be needed, but now of all times, why can't it wait until shit's up and running again, really?

So...this also means that people who work hard enough to make anything over nothing are going to be paying almost half in what they make. My aunt and uncle will be paying over half of what they make this year in taxes.

There is no fucking change. Hes the complete opposite of Bush in that Bush was so in favor of cutting taxes for rich people, but Obama penalizes anyone who has any sort of money at all because they aren't dependant on the government. My uncle makes 170,000$ a year, but thats how much it costs to raise kids and live in California, just to live...we don't go out to eat, we dont go to movies, we only go on local trips, rarely out of the state...not to mention all the tax shit he already has to pay because CA blows, but he HAS to stay here for work, not like he can fucking move or he would.

I find it interesting how part of this bill is ALSO TO SUPPORT ILLEGAL immigrants. I'm sorry, I do not feel your pain. I have never lived in a country where it was so bad that I needed to go through a tunnel to get to another country.
However, I am an America- lover and I appreciate the fact that I live in a country where I do not have to worry about such things.
I understand that life is hard for them too. But there are hundreds and thousands and maybe even hundreds of thousands on a waiting list to get here, and they can't because we are so chock full of people for cheap labor that we can't fit in any more.
AND FUCK YOU GOVERNATOR, for cutting our school year to save money for the illegals that pop into California every day. FUCK YOU. You're cutting OUR education to give to people who do not even pay TAXES.

Oh, I forgot, this bill is to support women like that stupid bitch who [voluntarily] had eight additional children to the six she couldn't already support.
I also find it so interesting how *some* [im sorry i misspoke ;-;] the people who support the expansion of welfare [don't get me wrong, i understand it's necessary for temporary purposes such as if someone gets laid off or hurt at work, it's needed UNTIL THEY FIND ANOTHER JOB, NOT TO LIVE OFF OF FOREVER. And I fucking know, my family lived on welfare for ten years, all it did was give my parents an excuse not to get a fucking job] I find it interesting though that those same supporters who said that it should be de-regulated so it is open for EVERYONE are so pissed off at this woman. All she's doing is utilizing your ideals, she's doing exactly what you said everyone should be able to do.

Fuck this shit.

You're no better than Bush, really, you both are stupid fucking idiots.
But hey, no one good could ever run because they have to have money, and no one wants an honest man, they want someone who can speak beautifully.

Thanks for being an asshole.
Thanks to all of you, all you Democrats and Republicans and Liberals and Conservatives, all of you who should have said "hey, this is wrong!" and did nothing.
Every single one of you had a hand in all that made this, and all you do is keep pointing the finger at everyone. We are in this because everyone had their hands in other people's pockets, and people were too stupid to realize they were being conned. Fucking shit. Loans should not have been given to people without employment checks and without credit checks and without downpayments. Also, people should not buy more than they can afford. Both sides of the table were fucking stupid. Giving the idiots money isn't going to fucking help, though. The banks should not be getting a bailout, no one should. Bush was wrong, and you are wrong too. They are not being held accountable for their actions.


This is fucking stupid. I wish people would open their eyes.

Elizabeth = alone.

Im going to Stetson.

They offered me $44,000.

I am not going to pass that up.

i didnt get into rollins via early decision.

they said they will reconsider me in march.

Whatever, man.

I guess I should send my mid-year grades in.

So I got a 4.8 this semester.

I fucking did ittttt.
Straight A's :)

im 18 :D

Im coming home motherfuckers.


I'm coming home.

No matter what, now, I'm coming home.


FUCK YES.

Stetson down, six more to go.
Let's hope i get into Rollins.

Despite the issues, I think life is well.

I am quite fortunate, I love my friends.

I dont think that I am going to get into any school that I applied to.


Fuck this.

I cant do this.


I still love you.
I will always love you.



But you can never know that.
I hate myself for it.


I hate myself for this.

I look at the updates of your life, I watch as your world changes, and I continuously miss you...despite all that you did to me.

I just cant...and probabaly i dont want to...
Ever stop caring about you.

It stings so bad, it breaks my heart every time. But I feel as if I need to break my own heart so I can never open it again.
It hurts to see your face.
It will be harder when I run into you.

It will be harder if I see you again, or perhaps it will be easier. Perhaps I will surprise myself.
Hopefully I will surprise myself.
Part of me hopes it all works out.
A lot of me hopes it works out.
But that same lot hates you, hates every last piece of you, wishes that no one could love you.

You will never understand what I went through for you, you will never appreciate it.
You will say you miss me, you will...
But who knows?
I dont know.
I feel not.
I do not want to.

But I want to.
I miss you, I love you...I fucking hate you.

Grow the fuck up, I just wish you would grow the fuck up.

Ive been here for two years, today.

Two long years. It's been ten in my mind.

I hope you read this, and every entry. I hope you feel all that I feel...I hope it hurts you just as badly one day.

But I wish you all the best, which is what hurts me the most.

fuck.
this.
shit.

Grace
when you say in love...what exactly does that entail?

9:09pm Elizabeth
That they are

9:09pm Grace
just for reference and clarification

9:09pm Elizabeth
hmmm

that they are beauty

something amazingly wonderful

embodied

something unexplainable.

something that you are afraid to touch because you are afraid of degrading it.

Something you want but probabaly cant have

a life force that you enjoy in your presence.


9:10pm Grace
and that's what i am?

9:11pm Elizabeth
That is what you are.







i love you.
you give me hope, but i know it is false hope.

I wish that you didn't have to cry yourself to sleep, kiddo.

I wish that you didn't have to grow up so fast.
I wish you could breathe your own air.

I'm so sorry, kiddo...
I'm so sorry.

I dont know where to begin or how.
I dont know what I feel then or now.


Everything moves so fast yet so slow,
sometimes I wish that I could go with the flow, but no
I will never.

That is my issue, perhaps.

I am in love with her.

I don't know what to do with myself.

I dont know.